As most of you know, I’m training for my first full marathon and time is drawing near for the big day (June 23rd)! I’m also a personal trainer and not only move around a gym all day but workout myself at least 5 days/week.
But even with all of that, I am lazy. I’m lazy and I’ve been loving it…But now I’ve had enough. Allow me to explain.
Although I move a lot physically during my days, I have been convicted on several occasions in the last week of my laziness when it comes to the relational and spiritual side of my life. God used these specific events to make clear to me that I’ve been relying on my weaknesses as a crutch in my life. My main crutch? Using the excuse of “I’m not good with details” as a means of not taking responsibility for things in my life.
I’ve always known that being administrative, making decisions and taking care of details isn’t my “thing;” I’m a people person. I’m much more people-oriented than task-oriented, but lately I’ve found myself saying, “Oh, well, I wouldn’t be good at that because I’m not great with details,” thereby shirking responsibility for tasks in my day-to-day life. A perfect example of this is my recent predicament with my permanent resident card, which lasts for 5 years and is set to expire in mid-June. I should have seen this coming and applied for a new card 3 months ago, but instead I left it until the last week of May… And after reading that it takes 93 days to process and realizing that I have an out-of-country trip coming up in July (our kayaking trip!), I started panicking. I had to dig up documents, take new pictures, record where I’ve visited outside of Canada over the last 5 years and for how long and send everything off with the forms to the government. YIKES.
This isn’t the kind of thing you mess around with, you know? It hit me that there are things you NEED to be good with, and this is one of them!
Moreover, I realized that I’ve relied on Mikey as a crutch for taking action with decisions and in our social life. He was away this past week and me doing all this on my own without him was brutal! I was nervous and continually thinking I was going to mess something up and he calmly kept checking in and saying, “Bonnie – you can do this” in an assuring fashion. And guess what? I did it! But I realized he would have looked up all the info and been more organized with our documents and I wouldn’t have done as much work.
Moreover, Mikey is the plan maker in our family. I LOVE that! He practically single-handedly planned our wedding and is so great with groups. I love the people interaction but have never loved the process of planning. So this past year, with Mikey in school and working so hard, our social lives were much quieter; I was working more and all of his free time was spent studying. Although I could have taken advantage of this time and been intentional with people, I took the down time at home and didn’t see people very much over those months. This was a big wake up call to me!
The last revelation came at this weekend’s staff retreat out in Canmore. When you become part of the team, you take the Strengths Finder test, which is a great way to learn about your top 5 strengths, what they mean and how to leverage them. It’s an awesome thing to know about yourself and about your fellow co-workers and we spent several minutes talking over each person’s top five strengths. Mine are, in order,
1. Developer – loves to build into and develop others and see them succeed
3. Belief – has a strong set of underlying beliefs and values
4. Empathy – feels for and understands others
That’s me in a nutshell! Although they are to be viewed as strengths, I brought up how I don’t have ANY of the “achiever,” “discipline,” activator” or “responsibility” traits at all and wondered if that meant I just loved people but didn’t get things done. He warned me about having strength envy and encouraged me with the fact that I’m a “rockstar” in the area of building into others and encouraging others in a way that draws people in and makes them comfortable. However, the dark side is that I need to be aware of the areas I’m weaker in and beware about letting positivity take over and mask action.
Although I left feeling encouraged about the way God wired me, it gave me reason for pause. I’ve been reinforcing these positive things about myself while simultaneously reinforcing my weakness and backing out of certain responsibilities. I’ve also been this way in my spiritual life (although I don’t like to separate chunks of our lives; we are one whole being!) and have been very lazy in my pursuit of Jesus.
In short, I’ve lazy and I’ve been loving it. But no longer – it’s time to make some changes, to take some action and to stop making excuses.
Yes, my job is physically and emotionally draining – I talk throughout every session every hour and am simply tired by the end of the day. I’m a cheerleader and love motivating people, but it’s tiring! I’d like to just sit at home when I retire for the day and not go out and meet friends or have people over. Sure, that’s normal, and yes it’s true that we also need some time to debrief and step away…but I’ve used it as an excuse to get comfortable doing nothing! The same goes with my relationship with Jesus – just going to church and praying as things come to mind is not enough to cultivate a love and pursuit of Jesus. I need to do better at being proactive instead of being lazy at work and with my career as I look ahead etc!
Overall it’s certainly a balance, but the truth is that life takes effort. I haven’t been living with zeal – only in a physical sense. The rest of my life needs action! And life! – to the full. The title of this blog is what I want to be my drive and is based in John 10:10: “I (Jesus) came that you might have life and life to the full.” YES! But that doesn’t happen by letting life happen to you.
In short, I’m learning a lot right now, and I want to beware of just being passive and allowing myself to feel convicted and then not make any change and keep floating along.
I’m excited to lean on Jesus through this time and grateful that he is opening up my eyes to areas I need to work on. Lazy no more!
…are you lazy in any way? Interesting thought to change the connotation of that word a bit…Thanks for reading, friends! Just had to share and get it out there. 🙂 Live well & be well (and don’t be lazy – life is too short and not worth it!),