Great to hear about how your weekends were – crazy to think it’s Thursday! Three day weekends ROCK – can you imagine if we always worked for only four days? Seems so much healthier to me (and man the week goes by so much faster!).
It’s been a good week since I last blogged: work, “Fat Tuesday” (dinner and connecting with friends), work, and stormy weather. I love how the weather changes things: sunny skies and warm weather sure put everyone in Calgary in a good mood but gray, rainy weather makes me hunker down and enjoy working indoors!
I thought I’d start a new Thursday series for something different: A “day in the life” in different aspects of my days. These posts won’t just be fitness-focused or health-based as there is so much more to life than focusing on your #PROOF in the gym and clean eating – living a balanced life means enjoying, learning, growing, giving, experiencing and loving outside of the weight room or kitchen too! So today I wanted to shed some light on my life as a WIFE. One of my highest callings is to be a wife to Mikey – to support him, to love him, to honor him and to respect him. Although I’m not as certain on the idea of having kids, I always knew I wanted to be married and I am thankful that God lead Mikey and I to be together.
A Day in the Life: A Wife
Engagement: Mountain Home Road while bouldering in Leavenworth, WA
Our wedding: Plain, Washington, December 15, 2007
Life is never as you plan it, and marriage is certainly no exception. Nothing can replace living with someone, watching their cute quirks turn into annoyances, growing with them, learning how they sleep and if they like to stroll or walk fast, how much space they take up in the bed…You know what I mean. But the main reason I am thankful for marriage is because it is an example of how Jesus treats the Church, his bridegroom. While I fall so far short of representing the Church and Mikey doesn’t always act like Jesus toward me, that is what we are striving for: for Mikey to love me as Christ loves the Church and for me to serve Mikey as the Church should serve Christ.
I am currently reading “What Did You Expect?” by Paul David Tripp, a great book about marriage from a Christian worldview gifted to me (thanks mom!). It’s about redeeming the realities of marriage and how so many marriages are formed without looking at reality and without realizing that there are things we can count on, namely:
1. We are conducting our marriage in a fallen world,
2. You are a sinner married to a sinner, and
3. God is faithful, powerful, and willing.
In other words, our marriages live in a world that does not function the way God intended and we cannot escape the environment in which God has called us to live – but it is all a part of his plan despite the brokenness that surrounds us. Moreover, we are sinful! We all KNOW this (does anyone need to be convinced of this? No. 😉 ) and it sounds obvious to say it out like that, but we don’t always think of the truth that we married people who are not perfect. Both people bring something into the marriage that is destructive to what a marriage needs and must do. But lastly, there is hope and the third reality: that we are not alone in our struggle. As Tripp writes, “Yes, you live in a bad neighborhood (fallen world), and the two of you are less than perfect (sin), but in all this you are not eft to your own resources. The God who determined your address lives there with you and is committed to giving you everything you need” (25).
Being a wife who honors her husband and truly makes him feel respected is one of my daily life goals. But it’s not easy! What’s the main reason? Because I’m selfish. I get upset at Mikey because he gets in the way of my wants and desires (which are about me, for the record). I’m learning that the biggest question we must ask ourselves about marriage is this: Whose kingdom shapes my marriage? Is it my own, personal kingdom or God’s bigger, bolder, freer kingdom? Furthermore, whose kingdom defines my dream?
There have certainly been ups and downs that neither Mikey nor I could have expected, namely, among other things: cancer. It’s unexpected, but in a way to be expected, for what “right” do we have to think that everything should go as we designed and planned? It sounds obvious when you read it, and yet we do expect things to be relatively “roadblock-free” in life – perhaps acknowledging the bumps but certainly not the divots, potholes, and detours.
Like everyone else, we snap at each other, get impatient, and can be manipulative in our speech and actions. But for a day in the life as a wife sneak peek, I’m sharing more my heart: that I would put Mikey’s needs and wants above my own and get myself out of the way of our marriage.
One of the best things I read today is this: “If you are going to have a marriage that lives in unity, understanding, and love, you must have a little-moment approach to your marriage.” Think about your life. How many huge, life-altering moments do you remember? Two, maybe three? Life is made up of little moments.
“The character and quality of our life is forged in little moments. Every day we lay little bricks on the foundation of of what our life will be. The bricks of words said, the bricks of words actions taken, the bricks of little decisions, the bricks of little thoughts, and the bricks of small-moment desires all together to form the functional edifice that is our marriage.”
I love this idea, but it’s such truth! Each little moment is important; a marriage doesn’t go bad with a bang but with little moments of ignoring one another, of letting issues irritate you, etc. Likewise, a marriage is built slowly with bits of forgiveness, beauty, and intentional moments…
So while I’m not perfect, here are a few things I do to serve Mikey:
– Think of his love language – acts of service (take the quiz online for free to find out what your own love language is – it’s so helpful to know how you give and receive love the best and how your spouse does too!). He so appreciates when I do things for him (whereas I’m a words-of-affirmation girl): getting him cookies and milk, cooking dinner for him, cleaning up so it’s nice when he comes home.
– Trying to respect him by not nagging. This is tough for me! Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t hear me when I ask a question (because he doesn’t respond), so often I end up getting in his face and making an issue over nothing. I need to heed the words that are throughout Proverbs and not nag – not let my own wants and desires take precedence.
– Support him in his work. I go where he goes, I work around what he is doing, he leads our family of two. My desire is to make him feel respected and supported in what he is doing.
We get dirty together (outside). 😉 We laugh lots. We explore new places. We genuinely like being around one another. We try to think of one another and regularly say what we love and appreciate about one another. We wrestle, Mikey loves to bite my cheeks (face), I love how practical and mindful about life he is. I love to talk at night in bed and get riled up when he pokes fun at me and he appreciates how I truly enjoy commercials (especially inanimate objects like salt shakers that cry or laugh or have friends).
The biggest key to our marriage is keeping Christ at the center of it – it’s certainly not us acting on extreme love or unbelievable self-control! But we are growing. And I’m thankful for God’s grace and his willingness to redeem our marriage daily as marriage is a great way for me to grow closer to Christ – thinking not less of myself, but thinking about myself less.
There is SO much more to share about the day to day (the frustrations, the realities, the beautiful moments, the exciting times, the regular moments of life together), but that’s all I’ve got for today. Are you married (do you want to be)? What do you think is the best part and the hardest part about being married? How have the realities changed from your initial perceptions?
Thanks for journeying along with me today – no workouts, no food check-in’s, just some thoughts about one of my favorite roles in life. 🙂 Have a great Thursday friends! Live well & be well (and do something that puts your spouse, significant other, or family member FIRST today!),